To Find My Strength

Sometimes my heart gets weak,
Sometimes my soul feels the edge of the night.
Sometimes my will, my foolish pride,
Carries me far, far away from Your side!
And when I lose my way, I know...

I look to You to find my strength.
Carry me to the end of my days!
A steady hand to lead me through,
Arms of faith to bring me back to You!
I will keep my eyes on love,
Set my heart on things above!
When my soul is so afraid,
I look to You to find my strength!

Sometimes my hope, it slips away.
Sometimes my dreams come crashing down!
Sometimes my life, this crazy life,
Has a heart, has a heart of its own!
And when I lose my way,
You know

I look to You to find my strength.
Carry me to the end of my days!
A steady hand to lead me through,
Arms of faith to bring me back to You!
I will keep my eyes on love,
Set my heart on things above!
When my soul is so afraid,
I look to You to find my strength!

When the tears keep pouring down,
And my lips can't make a sound,
I know You hear my prayer,
And Your strength is always there!

I look to You to find my strength.
Carry me to the end of my days!
A steady hand to lead me through,
Arms of faith to bring me back to You!
I will keep my eyes on love,
Set my heart on things above!
When my soul is so afraid,
I look to You to find my strength!

And when I lose my way, I know

-Natalie Grant

Sheep?

“When I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep and I fall asleep counting my blessings.”

As I lay in bed restless for the 4^th night I can’t help but think of the blessings that 2008 has brought. Mainly because I watched White Christmas tonight and heard this song…the blessings could go on and on, but just to list a few things that stick out from this year:

-His Faithfulness

-My Family

-Seeing one of my best friends baptized.

-New friendships that encourage me and challenge me.

-My job

-His unending Love

-Graduating with my Masters

-Growing and learning more about Him

-Nights at White Rhino

-Teaching

 

And things that I am looking forward to in 2009….

-The unknown

-New opportunities

-Reading

-Free time

-Time with Him

-Time with Family

-Time with Friends

-Love

-Small Things

-Serving

I hope you had a Merry Christmas and that 2009 is full of blessings beyond what you can count and or measure in any way possible. Thank you to each of you for being a part of my life in whatever way you have played a role, you have made an impact on me that I will not soon forget. And now it’s time to close my eyes and continue counting those blessings as He reminds me ….Who I am…..Who I serve…and Where I am going!

 

"Praise the Lord for He is faithful through all times!" 

"When I am at my weakest...He is at His strongest!"

"It's easy to be a friend to someone who is a true friend in return."

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? 
       How long will you hide your face from me?

 2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts 
       and every day have sorrow in my heart? 
       How long will my enemy triumph over me?

 3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. 
       Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

 4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," 
       and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

 5 But I trust in your unfailing love; 
       my heart rejoices in your salvation.

 6 I will sing to the LORD, 
       for he has been good to me.

Psalm 13

 17 The LORD your God is with you, 
       he is mighty to save. 
       He will take great delight in you, 
       he will quiet you with his love, 
       he will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

"Words…So small and so simple…Yet so huge and complex. They can build you up and tear you down all in one breath. Empty words are the worst. I love you…..easily said……but shown….is a little harder. Friends forever…. Again….easily said…..but followed through with….hardly ever. I promise…..how often does this truly happen. Words are what cause “walls” and conflicts, but at the same time they are what bring about intimacy and resolution. The lack of words can even cause pain or appreciation….sitting in silence with someone you know truly loves you is incredible, but not hearing from someone who claimed to love you can tear like a piece of paper." 

"If there's one thing I can be sure...it's that the love of the Love of the Lord endures!"

Questioning and Hopeful

I wish I could put my thoughts in to words, but I seem to be at a loss today. All I have are questions right now and a hope that the answers will soon follow:

 

Why does the past have such a grip on the here and now?

Why is it so hard to trust?

It's not....if we put our trust in Him and Him alone.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

What now?

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:7

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Is it ever too much?

Search me, Oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:22-24

Are people really that different?

Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.                Proverbs 4:23

Is it possible to not have expectations?

Why do I have to be reminded?

Because we all at some time in our human lives have to be reminded that we are loved. We don't deserve it and for that reason alone that is why we would question it. If only we would focus our lives completely on Him we would never doubt His love for us and His desire to be with us forever!

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:11-12

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:8

How do you truly forget?

 

 

Listening, Watching, Waiting

I have spent a lot of time lately listening, watching and waiting…..listening first and foremost to Him, but also to those around me…..watching how people treat each other, including myself and the way I treat those I truly love and…..waiting on His timing for everything. Some thoughts are mine, but most are others:

Deep calls to Deep.

Sometimes we put walls up… not to keep people out… but to see who cares enough to knock them down.

It’s not about me….and it’s really not about you either.

He answers simple prayers in the biggest of ways.

Pour in to those that truly appreciate the time and effort you put forth.

Those who care seek out those they care about.

Time alone is precious.

Time with those who really care about you is even more precious.

It’s ok to let go.

You must love even when it hurts.

We focus more on being right rather than making things right.

God never asked you to be a Christian…He asked you to be a disciple!

If He was here He would confront you, make you ask questions, think about things and decide on where you stand.

I KNOW WHO I AM! I KNOW WHO I SERVE! I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING!

God gave it-I’m not defined by my prosperity.

God took it-I’m not defined by my failures.

I attract people like me….what kind of person am I?

The small things are what matter.

I want to be me….UNEDITED.

He is good!

Knowing you are loved changes so many things.

Sometimes my thoughts cannot be put into words, but there are people that understand without me speaking a word.

True joy comes from Him and Him alone

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I haven’t reached it….but I am running for it!

I am weak and insecure….but He is strong and confident!

It doesn’t matter where you’ve been or what you’re going to do-It matters what you are doing right now!

I want to know the depths of you

I love deep conversations

He is all I have ever needed and all I will ever need

When people notice it means the world to me

Being wanted is so very imporant

Sitting in silence with someone and being completely ok with it is a true blessing

4-Wheelers

I love to ride 4-wheelers and they bring back so many memories! I remember riding with my parents and my brother all the time when I was younger. One time we went to Red River, New Mexico and my brother, two of our friends and I went out riding on the trails up and down the mountains/hills. But at one point on the ride we decided to turn around, however the trail was only as wide as our 4-wheelers, so we had to go a little off the path. Because I was the last 4-wheeler I had to turn around first and as I began to turn off the path toward the edge I realized there wasn’t enough room to turn around. Fear overtook me as I looked down and saw the ground that was so far away. Before I realized it there was a guy on my 4-wheeler turning me back toward the road. I think of this trip often and unlike your typical “stay the path” story my thoughts go to this:

Sometimes in life things go great and we are happier than ever. But it’s in the times that things get tough, fear over takes us and we feel completely alone that we have to find His strength to carry us through and remind us that someone loves us and we are precious to Him.

How truly grateful I am for his strength because I know without Him there have been many times that I would have just thrown my hands up and given up.

“Look to the Lord and His strength, seek His face always.” 1 Chronicles 16:11

Quilted Heart

Have you ever wondered what your heart looks like? Not the actual one in your chest pumping blood through your body, but rather the one that is referenced in Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.” and Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I’ve thought about this many times and what I constantly see is a heart that resembles a quilt. Now don’t let me lose you this early…let me explain. The way I see it is that we are born with a heart that is completely intact. As we go throughout life this heart is at the core of everything we do and everything we experience. It is what holds on to the good things, but it is also where the most pain occurs. This is where the idea of the quilt comes from:

With each person or event that comes into our life a piece of our heart is given away and carried by that person or event. As that person or event carries that piece gently and cares for it our heart still remains intact and whole. But the minute that person or event causes the slightest amount of pain that piece becomes seperated and leaves our heart with a “hole.” Just like a hole would cause pain to our hearts in our chest this “hole” causes pain. Now this is where the picture of the “patches” come to mind:

With each “hole” in our heart there will always come healing in time. But never again will our heart return to it’s original wholeness. This is where He covers our “holes” with different “patches” causing them to look like a quilt. Each “patch” holds a different pattern because each “hole” has to be covered in a different way.

Just like each patch on a quilt has individual stitches all around the edges the “patches” on our hearts have stitches. Each one is slowly sown in by our Maker and with His every stitch He is sure to remind us of His constant love for us.

No, patches aren’t permenant and from time to time will be torn apart, but that’s where the beauty of His consistency come in. Because He will be there quickly to hold our heart ever so gently and stitch it up again.

I know in my life I can think of a lot of “patches” He has sown on to my heart and I am grateful for each and every one of them because it means that there has been a lesson learned and a love shown in that pain. I also know that there will be more to come, but I know I have a faithful Father!

My hope and prayer as you read this is that no matter what it is you may be dealing with today that you would feel him gently putting that “patch” over it and remember that you are loved. And that you will be thankful for those times in which you have a “hole” in your heart because it means that you are growing and learning just as He desires for you to.